Friday, January 1, 2010

A New Year


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."
Louisa May Alcott

I on the other hand have been quite afraid of storms, to be honest I like things to be as they say smooth sailing.  I am quite honestly a control freak.  Yep I like to be the one who tells everyone what, how, when and where, that way I can make sure, well as best I can that all will go just how I want and expect it to.  Hmm not very nice when I say it like that, I must admit.  I think that when my parents seperated when I was 8 and then again when I was 12 and finally divorced, I learnt that if I was to avoid all the nastiness of life, I was the one who needed to decide what would and would not happen.  Ahh you say, even being in control of everyone cannot stop nasty things from happening, this last year has taught me that.  So today, while I am not one to make New Year resolutions, I am deciding, yep really I am, that I will not be afraid of the storms anymore.  I am going to stand in the wind, arms spread wide, legs planted strongly and I am just gonna stand, as best I can.  I seriously dropped my bundle in June and it has really shown me that I need people, my husband and children and friends.  I need to take the risks and walk through the consequences or I will have regrets and I do not want regrets. 

So calm or rough, rocky or smooth, this is my life and I am going to enjoy it from now on.  I am gasping for air as I say this seriously, I am trying to grab back the safety of being in control and in my mind I am fighting to let go.  Oh boy this is going to be a big year I think.  I am not a planner when it comes to life goals, what will you be doing in five years, that question always got my goat, how the heck would I know.  I never wanted to make long term goals like that, still don't, but I do want to just for the next little while, let go of everything that has been holding me back, stopping me from doing the risky thing.

So my friends join me and laugh at my mishaps, cheer with my victories, share my joy and my sadness, and be a part of my life this year, please.  Come to France in May with me, that would be wonderful, watch me learn to take better photographs in a few days time and tag along for the ride wherever I go, you are welcome.


Happy New Year and so much love to you all.

4 comments:

  1. From one control freak to another I love your attitude. I'd be honored to tag along to France with you, eat, drink, travel and take photos is my idea of fun.

    For the first time in my life I have no need for long term plans, not sure if it is because I am older and wiser and realise what life is really about or because I am content (maybe a bit of both). When I talked about fear on my blog I believe the underlining factor of all my fears is not being in control.

    I'm hear to support you on your journey for 2010. May you and your family create many happy memories this year.

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  2. I can't wait to see your France photographs and many others of all kinds f things..Again Happy New Year to you..

    I think your blog was a great step in putting your feet in the sand and taking a strong stand:) Hope all your dreams come true.

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