Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I took this picture early one morning when Adrian and I went for a walk.  The clouds just look so pretty to me.  Yesterday we went to a funeral.  A lovely man we know and have known for years now.  We had kids in school together and at one stage we were either looking after one of their girls for the weekend or they had our twins for the night.  He got pancreatic cancer earlier this year and passed away last Thursday morning leaving his lovely wife and 7 children.  How do I register this in my mind.  How do I get an answer to its all part of the perfect plan.  I just don't know really I don't!!!!  I feel like I am having a crisis of faith.  Nothing is as it seems, nothing I thought was true seems to be anymore.  So I am challenged to find new answers, new ways, new depths of true.  It is interesting I must say.  For years as a family we attended a pentecostal church, where we were told it wasn't ok to drink alcohol so we didn't, we shouldn't read, watch or listen to a whole list of things and we didn't.  We should believe that God heals and speaks through his people to day and He will heal and save us if we ask Him to.  So we did and He didn't.  Our baby grandson passed away on the 23rd June this year at 7 weeks of age.  He was our eldest daughters first baby, our first grandson and the second male addition to our family after his father, our son in law so he was very special.  He carried my husbands name as his middle name, you don't get much more special than that.!! 
Lucas Adrian Middleton was a treasure and we loved him very much we still do.  But after all our prayers and all our believing he would be healed and live he didn't and neither did the man who was buried yesterday.  So I am asking the question today does God still heal today?  If so why is He so selective? Why is it that we hear of great miracles happening in 3rd world countries but not so much here.  I wonder.  Anyway the sky was beautiful that morning and I know that the wonders of this world we live in didn't just evolve from pond scum, so there is a creator out there, He might not do what I thought he would, but he is there somewhere.
Ok so now I am off my soapbox let's get to something wonderful, my family.  Yep there isn't a photo shoot that doesn't end up with someone pulling faces, the group disassembling before I am finished shooting, a whole heap of laughing and mucking around and generally just a good time. Honestly you would think by now these mob would know when a serious photographer is hard at it and just pull their weight in helping get the perfect shot.  Actually I usually get a whole string of pics I love when they muck up.  The big tall gorgeous guy is my son in law Paul, and the little cutie with the bob is my No. 1 baby Alicia.  Queen of hair colour and shoes and not in that order either.   The other two munchkins are my jetsetting twins, Ashleigh & Danielle 20 in a few weeks and  already been to the USA and Europe and the Uk, they lived out the dreams I had as a teenager and made Adrian yeah he's the other hunky one in there, and I take off ourselves twice in the last 12 months.
And here they are again, the day before Fathers Day which is the first Sunday in September here in Australia, doing the usual lets make silly here.  None of them wear glasses, well Adrian does, but we have a whole heap of spectacles laying round this house for some reason and after a few Pina Coladas last Saturday they all decided they needed to wear them.  It was a fun day.
So family where would we be without them?  They drive me nuts sometimes, lots of times actually, but hey I love them, all of them, all of the time.  They make me cry, laugh, angry, confused, nervous, concerned, weepy, glad, delight, long for more of them, annoyed, anxious, delirously happy and they make we want to live.  And after seeing the pain of losing one of your family twice in the last 3 months, first Lucas and then yesterday Greg, I love my family and cherish every moment, good, bad and wonderful that I have with them.


  1. Oh, on my frist visit here and I have no words for your loss to help ease the pain. My father passed away very suddenly 8 years ago now. He was not old and the only explination I have for why it was his turn to go was that god mst have needed someone very special by his side.

    Family owuldn't be family if they didn't evoke all those emotions you listed.

    I look forward to getting to know you a little better. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  2. I remember holding(clutching) my mom's blanket in the hospital..praying fervently with all my 19 yr old heart..that she would not leave me..
    She did.

    There are no words for me to you for Lucas..just the name stirs my heart because of our Lucas..
    I have not known you sorrow..just many..

    Just different.
    I still believe.

    Truly we have had our shares of sorrows..

    But then a miracle happens.. and the light shines again..differently..but I promise you it does..really..truly..really.
    You have a Beautiful family!!!!Thank you for sharing~

    "Et la lumière ce fût~"

  3. Kim, I see, hear, feel your pain. You are not alone. I don't have an answer for you. I won't quote the scriptures as I know you read them. The older I get the more I can understand the longing for heaven and leaving this world of pain behind. There is brutal unhappiness on this earth that we must reckon with almost on a daily basis. All I know is without HIM it would be worse, much worse, as there would be no future at all. At least now we are here to glorify HIM and one day be reunited with those we have loved and lost.

  4. Alicia's hair. Oh, Alicia's hair. Very jealous now.


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