Ok I am just getting it out there, I am 49 (gulp) today. Oh my that's come round quickly. It only seems yesterday that I was this fresh faced girl with the curly perm look and the blonde hair and the pre child skinny, stretch mark free body, waltzing down the aisle all excited about the future. That was nearly 28 years ago, yes that means that on the 20th March this year Adrian and I will have been married for 28 years, some kind of record these days. Would I do it again, knowing that we would drag ourselves through some years, laugh ourselves through others, cry through a few, ache and sigh and live and grow and rejoice through the others. Knowing the worry, the happiness, the grief, the arguments, the moves and changes, the ups and downs, the love and the hate, (well maybe not hate but the really tough times) the growing together, never apart, would I do it again. ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!
I told my eldest daughter Alicia, when she married 3 years ago that love is a choice and I believe that. I can't say that every day of the last 30 years with Adrian I have felt like I loved him. The arguments, the snoring, the decisions, the forgetting things, all this stuff can make a person feel like they don't love the other at the time. But I chose to love Adrian on those days, as he chose to love me on the days I irked him. Hey it happens doesn't it! Of course it does. And together the last 28 years of marriage and the 2 years of courting have been my life. I wouldn't change them. Maybe I would choose to be kinder, gentler, softer, to Adrian who has been the greatest person to ever love me, but I would never choose not to be with him.
Oh my we look so young, so innocent, so ready to take on the world. We were and we are still. We just know now that life can be great, but it can be hard too. So now as I edge a year closer to 50 I live with the safe knowledge that no matter what, I have a man who loves me forever and I him. I have a man who is a rock for me, well most of the time, last year has tested us both and we struggled through. So I think that if we survived the grief and confusion of that we will survive all the other ups and downs still to come.
So how do I feel about being nearly 50, see how I age myself, i just hit 49 and I'm adding a year already. Well I feel pretty good actually. I would like to be a bit slimmer, join the queue I know and I would like to be a little more organised than I am at the moment, but I am pretty happy with my lot. Actually more than a little happy, I have a great life. Anything I am lacking is because I haven't gone out and got it. I have the support of my family in everything I do so knowing that I am free to give everything a go. It's only me that holds me back so come on girl get to it. I have big plans for this year, I think it will be a great year, a happy year and exciting year. I'm looking forward to it.
